It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
