Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
