i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize