i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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