I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
