Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
