he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
