I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
