FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
