I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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