so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
