I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
