I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
