my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
