Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
