I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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