His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
