I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
