who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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