It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
