My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You smell like stripper and shame
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
