i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
