My balls are so social today.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
