Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
