so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
