I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
