hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
