Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
