we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
