It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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