I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
