thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This baby is an asshole
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
