An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
