Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize