Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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