Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
