i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
