Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize