I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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