I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize