I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize