Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
