Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
