What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
