Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize