hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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