Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
