After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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