You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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