i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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