Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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