dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
