Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
50% drunk capacity currently
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
