IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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