I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
