Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
