): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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