If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
