I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
