I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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