Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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