Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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