worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
