she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
