4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
