You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
