Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I could fuck to npr.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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